there's something about being barefoot that puts everything into perspective.
somehow over the past few months i've become so incredibly lost. i can't pinpoint exactly where it was that i started wandering off of the path, but now i appear to be in the middle of a very dense, very scary, very unfamiliar forest - with no clearing in sight. i've strayed too far from myself. recently, i've done things so totally uncharacteristic of the person i want to be... of the person i once was. don't get me wrong, that person was far from perfect; she was insecure, too apologetic, and she invested too much time and effort in too many of the wrong people. she most definitely didn't have everything together - that'll never happen - but at least she stood for something.
i'm disappointed in myself. i'm disappointed in the person i've become.
i need to get back to the sweet, blue-eyed young woman i once was - whose definition of a crazy night was watching a meteor shower at 4am across the james river with her girlfriends or eating an entire pint of ben&jerrys without any help. i want to get back to the wholesome, southern sweetheart who drinks chocolate milk for breakfast, isn't afraid to talk funny, puts her foot down when she needs to, and tells her little sister absolutely everything. i need to embrace the intelligent, smart-assed, quirky, quiet, loving, shy girl who refuses to allow herself to be compromised. she may lack self-confidence, but that's better than lacking self-respect.
i need to find her again. quickly.
"Gone for so long now / I gotta get back to her somehow / To American honey..."
~american honey (lady antebellum)
Don't regret any of the decisions you've made or things you've learned! It's called LIVING!!!! To simply exist is not good enough for you :) You need to experience life, which is what it seems you've been doing. Take those experiences--great, awful, or indifferent--and learn the lessons you were meant to learn. Carry them with you, decide how you will use the information gleaned from them. You choose the path of your life, it does not choose you. You are STILL the person you once were, perhaps a little older and wiser, but no experience can change the core of your being. You are still the sweet, caring, blue-eyed, intelligent, smart-assed, quirky, quiet (at times), shy (at times), loving girl from your "youth." Stop doubting your instincts!!
ReplyDeleteLove you, friend!