in a desperate attempt to prepare myself for the (hopefully - fingers crossed) impending interviews i'll endure in the coming months, i've been going over questions commonly asked of applicants. i struggle with these types of things. i don't know what the last traumatic event was in my life or how i dealt with it. i probably pretended like i didn't care and walked away (that's generally what i do when things get confusing, but something tells me that's not the answer they're lookin' for). the last time i had to solve a problem was in the grocery store trying to figure out whether or not the cheap brand of macaroni adhered to the dietary stipulations of my new nutrition plan. again, i highly doubt those are the types of problem solving skills my future employer values. surprisingly, one question that i've been faced with before and struggled with suddenly seemed easy to answer: if you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be? restless.
i've been applying to jobs. LOTS of jobs. as a teaching assistant, personal assistant, publishing assistant, editorial assistant, photo assistant, sales and marketing assistant, creative services assistant, assistant to the managing editor of InStyle, administrative assistant… and the list goes on and on. these might seem like a wide array of possible career paths, but they all have three things in common: (1) ASSISTANT, because i sure as heck am not ready to be in charge of anyone (2) i'm probably not actually qualified, nor do i have any relevant experience to make me an even remotely attractive candidate for the position (3) they are far away from middle-of-nowhere, VA.
i ADORE home, especially this time of year – when the corn is already waist high and you know in a few weeks it’ll be towering over you. it's when the air smells like honeysuckle and freshly tilled earth and the daily soundtrack includes the rumble of tractors, creak of the chains on the front porch swing and the sound of grandmama's voice from across the yard. it’s the time of year defined by baseball tournaments, bbq in aluminum foil, sweet tea, bare feet dangling off of tailgates, friday night bonfires, saturdays full of sunshine and weeding flowerbeds, and afternoons that smell like rain followed by evening thunderstorms to clear the air. it’s when the blueberries are getting sweet, but the locals' dispositions are still sweeter. it's finally that time when the rockin chairs start keepin time with the heavy summer breeze. you can taste warm weather on your tongue, and can’t wait to gulp it in. there is so much hope, and promise of what is soon to come.
when i'm here, i don’t particularly want to leave this place. i love it. it’s safe. it’s familiar. my family is here, along with almost everything i've ever known. it would be so easy to get a job close to home, live near (or with) my folks for awhile, go to church in the same place i have for over 20 years, and settle.
settle. that word just doesn't sit right with me.
staying here isn't challenging. and while my parents may argue that it's just plain smart to stay at home to save money, this is my one opportunity to move across the country without anyone or anything holding me back. as of right now i can do anything i want. the options are so vast it’s daunting. if i want to audition to be a disney princess, airfare and my inability to hail a cab are the only things standing between me and the debbie reynolds studio in california. if i want to teach elementary school in north carolina, i just need to get an interview and make someone believe that i'm capable of managing 20ish 6-year-olds. if i want to move to new york, get a job in the publishing industry and live in a glorified closet, i just need to convince my interviewer that sitting duty in the landrum duty office counts as office experience.
i've reached a point at which i can either settle for mediocrity and meander these country roads for eternity, or i can take a shot in the dark and learn to soar. i'm restless. i refuse to live a life of mere existence. and while my dreams and passions aren't all that clear or focused at the moment, they play the most integral role in this adventure.
one thing's for sure: i'm not the sauntering sort - i was born to fly.
