it finally feels like summer. i just returned from a long weekend with the family in myrtle beach, sc and i couldn't feel more revitalized, tanned, or blessed. [well... i guess i could be tanner, but the fact that i have any color at all is a miracle in itself]
my weekend was filled with a whole lotta nothing - just the way i like it when there are beaches involved. no deadlines. no clocking in. no assignments. no worries. this conveniently freed up my mind to wander - and let me tell you, minds go crazy places when they don't have specific assignments to contemplate. of course, my mind chose the most daunting forest to meander into - my future. the prospects are hopeful though: i'm going to do what i love. when i pitched the 'i'm not going to be a teacher' spiel to the parents they were less than thrilled, but i think they'll come around eventually. actually i think it was the 'i'm going to take pictures for a living' that really threw them for a loop, but i may not have delivered it as smoothly as i could've either.
i decided at the beginning of the summer that it was going to be a care-free one. as usual, that didn't translate into quite what i had planned - but then again, when does it ever? granted, the beach was fabulous, but i was thinking that i was going to have these crazy adventures and do daring things that i never would've before - in some cases it's true [italia!!], but it hasn't exactly carried over into my summer-at-home experience as much as i thought it would. i guess i was expecting to be bold and confident and not care what people think. i thought that maybe i'd meet new people and have grand adventures with old friends. i was hoping to meet some amazing boy and have this fantastic summer fling that you read about in those teen novels where kisses on the forehead and falling in love come easily. i wanted cookouts and sundresses and flipflop tans and summer nights spent stargazing. i wanted fishing trips and sun tea and enough laughter to render ab workouts unnecessary. i wanted blissful, carefree, so-sweet-you-have-to-close-your-eyes-and-smile afternoons spent with lemonade and the latest issue of Southern Living on the back porch.
but that's not how it's happening. i'm not the flirty, smooth, confident young woman i had envisioned. i haven't given a complete stranger my number (i really really tried - i just couldn't do it though. i blush entirely too much and i can't speak straight when i get nervous... it's actually rather awful). i manage to work 7 days a week and haven't truly gone out with friends once since getting home from florence. i only drink lemonade at work. i haven't gone fishing - and it doesn't look like i'm going to have time to.
i'm failing at summer. well, not really - i figured out what i think i'm doing with my life. i guess that counts for something - right? anyway, there's still 3 weeks of summer left. i still have time... i hope.
