it’s here – the end of summer. the moment i’ve been dreading for so long is now upon me. oddly enough, i’m totally ok with it. i’m ready for senior year, change, new experiences… i’m ready for anything. this is really surprising to me since i don’t have my class schedule finalized, haven’t gotten any of my textbooks, and my room is a disaster. i’m juggling two jobs and soon classes on two separate campuses. to top it all off, i have no idea what i’m going to be doing once i graduate. as in: i don't have a job [or even the slightest inkling as to what it'll be] or even know where i'm going. honestly, i should be freaking out… but i’m not. i’m so incredibly ready for whatever comes my way. i'm ready for 'real life' to begin.
don't interpret this as me wishing away my senior year... i want to relish in every second of my time left at the w&m. it's more like i've accepted that it has to come to an end. i can't always live in the same dorm as my closest friends. it won't always be acceptable to drink until 6am or wear pj's in public. i'm going to miss this campus, the people, the opportunities, the making of memories.
the same is true for home. i will always love home and [almost] everything that comes with it, but it isn't where i will always be. it's time for me to define myself in terms other that where i've come from. home will always be the perfect place of pot-lucks after sunday service, just like school will be perfect in its own ways. but all at once i've found myself musing over the thought that the memories themselves are sometimes better than the places. memories have a funny habit of warping reality. they leave out the the hardships, the struggles, the hurt feelings. they make you forget how badly you wanted to get out of that stupid little one-horse town that couldn't mind its own business, or those late nights when you couldn't wait until the day when you work at a 9-5 and don't have to write papers or take exams.
i'll still go back for the people i love - and the nostalgia. it's still home, it always will be, but now it's where i'm from - not where i'll always be.
i already miss it, but it's time. senior year... here i come.
