i've come to this realization before. yes. but i'm SO tired of pretending to be someone i'm not around certain people. i spent years living someone else's dream. AND I AM SICK OF IT. i did what i thought would make everyone else happy. i cared entirely too much about what other people thought. i blatantly ignored what i needed and wanted. maybe it was because i was the oldest and had the pleasure of looking after my numerous younger siblings and not worrying about what i wanted. maybe i'm just a glutton for punishment. whatever it was, i'm done. i'm SO tired of censoring what i say around certain people; adapting my personality depending on which group of friends i'm with. and i am SO INCREDIBLY TIRED of letting other people's crappy dispositions and personalities determine and influence mine. so from now on, i'm doing ME. no matter who i'm with. and if you don't like it, you can kiss my ass.
i'm convinced that if people were just upfront from the beginning about their feelings/emotions/undesirable character traits/whatever, fewer hearts would be broken and stronger relationships could be made. at the same time: we need to stop lying to ourselves. it's time to put all the cards on the table. to lay everything on the line. what you see is what you get: this is me. 100%. take it or leave it.
i believe in: myself. being angry. the class of 2011 SENIOR CLASS GIFT. pink. smiling. love. daffodils. laffy taffy jokes. mixed cds. blue eyes. muscular arms. the TRIBE. cephotography. country churches. tailgates. making up goofy moves to songs that come on the radio. rusty. slouchy t-shirts. high cotton. country music. redheads. kissing in the rain. ballroom dancing. picking your nose when you don't have a tissue and you just can't take it any more. mason jars. blogging. wearing granny-panties. sundresses. crooked teeth. polka dots. tractors. wanting the best for those you love. using the hairspray can as a microphone. ribbon. house. kindergarteners. ramen. chocolate. being picky. swinging. driving stick. sweet tea. mark twain. pearls. freckles. sand between my toes. keds. sweating like a boy. running shoes. planners. sisters. bow ties. salt water. trashy reality tv. boys who dress well. gardens. colorful pens. daniel beale. diaries. tweed. paper boy hats. people who play with my hair. genuine compliments. uninhibited laughter. embracing your inability to SING. giggling. bay windows. people who do good without expectations. musicals. differing opinions. 'that's what she said' jokes. grinding. making the ones i love happy. cooking with ham-hock. being a LOSER. the little things. having unrealistic expectations about love. books that scare you. accessories. listening. desk calendars. glee. carmex.
i believe that: jesus christ can save us from our sins, all we have to do is believe in him and ask for forgiveness. the art of bullshit is sometimes completely necessary. there isn't just one person for everyone - i don't need to find 'the one' i need to find one of 'the ones.' texting is not a valid form of communication. just when you think it can't get any worse, it will. my ability to simultaneously dress like a grandmother and pre-schooler is an asset. people will always disappoint you, so stop expecting so much. sometimes folks lose touch, and that's ok. i will never be comfortable wearing thong underwear. actions really do speak louder than words - so shut-up and walk the walk. dancing ridiculously is the ONLY way to dance. you will change the world. friends can do really shitty things, but you forgive them and get over it. on the same note: people change, which means friends change. just because i don't hook up doesn't mean i look down on those who do. holding hands is a really big deal. you will always want the self-satisfaction of having your ex come crawling back [it doesn't matter if you think you're 'over him']. one day i will be an awesome mother. a good cry can work wonders. in a lot of ways i am mean and superficial. bad things happen to good people. not all girls have to like shopping. i deserve better. folding fresh laundry is therapeutic. people treat you like you let them. i've changed more in the last year of college than i did in the first three, in some ways for worse, but in more ways for the better. sometimes, you just need to shut people out. kisses on the forehead are magical. someone is going to talk shit - who cares? mama is always right, no matter what. sweet tea tastes better when you drink it from a mason jar. one of the best feelings is falling in love with music. breakfast tastes better when you make it for supper. one day, he/she will realize how big they fucked up. i am a phenomenal individual who will make a difference. some people aren't worth my time [and vice versa]. it's ok to just walk away occasionally. real friends know the difference between 'i need to look at shoes' upset and 'i need to feel the sand between my toes and rain on my face' kind of upset. you can't always be the bigger person. we lie to ourselves constantly. in the end, you are the only person responsible for your experiences. bad decisions need to be made [you can't be anybody if you haven't done anything]. when the sun sets, you are the only person who has to sleep in the bed you've made - so deal with it or shut the hell up about it.
suck it
:)
