'if i could write a letter to me' ~letter to me (brad paisley)

last year i had the pleasure of ringing in the new year with a few of my closest friends. the family that hosted us was positively wonderful and they have the coolest traditions! ten years prior the family had all of the kids write to themselves and on new year's eve they all read the letters that their 9, 10, and 11 year-old-selves wrote to the young women and men they had become. while they were comical at times (from wishes for toys to houses to always living with your sister, everything was mentioned) they made us all think: 'what would we have said to ourselves if we had written these letters to us?' my girlfriends and i thought about doing the same activity, but then we got scared; what if we wrote to our 30-year-old selves and were then disappointed with our lives? what if 10 years from now we read these and we're so upset that our lives aren't what we wanted that it completely changes our outlook and we spiral into a heart-wrenching depression? albeit slightly dramatic - it was a legitimate concern - so we didn't write the letters. despite the impending melancholy and possible mid-life crisis that is sure to ensue, i've decided that this year i'm going to write a letter to me. but instead of reading it 10 years from now (when i [hopefully - fingers crossed] have a family and my depression would effect more than just me) i'll read it again in a year.
random note: i designed it as a semi pick-me-up just in case my life sucks in a year. be prepared, it's sappy:

hey gurl hey,
by the time you read this, you'll have graduated college (hopefully) and have started a new life. you will NOT be in grad school, or the north, or living with your parents, or homeless... i don't think. actually, i don't know where you'll be, but i hope you are surrounded by good friends, live somewhere that you aren't afraid to go outside at night, have a job that you like well enough, and are figuring out what you want to do with yourself. you will most certainly have some semblance of a library (even if it's just a bookshelf), i would like to think that you have a boyfriend (i mean - it isn't a necessity, but it would be nice), some sort of transportation (remember: scooters come in some quite fabulous colors), and a baller camera that you love using. the last one is the most important. so if that hasn't happened get on that asap.

i hope you haven't forgotten about the things that make you happy in your struggle to survive. i hope you've found a church family wherever you ended up - i'm probably most nervous for this one. always remember that there's a country song for everything no matter what you're feeling, that the Lord will always be with you no matter how alone you think you are, that your mama taught you how to be strong no matter how weak you feel, and that you can do anything you set your mind to no matter how far-fetched your dreams may seem. remember that grandmama's voice is only a phone-call away and that if it really gets that bad you can always go home - they'll be there.

don't be so hard-headed or hard on yourself. and don't be afraid to ask for help. when you get really nervous - as you're apt to do - don't forget that you probably have your lucky penny in your shoe. whey you get scared - remind your irrational self that there aren't actually monsters in your closet or under your bed, so it's probably not as bad as you think. when you want to give up - remember to believe in yourself. when you start to worry - don't. when you think that maybe your laugh is kind-of annoying or you rehash situations over and over and think about what you should've done differently - stop. i know you'll probably still be doing this, but really - you need to stop. it just makes things worse. it always has and it always will. but maybe most importantly: when you refuse to settle for less than what you want - keep on keepin on. you go girl.

i hope you are happy. if you aren't - get that way. it's a mindset. i hope you read lots - and that your vocabulary has improved vastly. i hope you still have a subscription to Southern Living - because it's all about the little things. i really really really want you to be cool in real life. i want you to be able to walk in heels confidently. actually you WILL be cool, and you WILL be able to walk in heels. there. now it has to happen. if you still don't have a 'little black dress' that makes you feel invincible, go buy one. don't forget that you absolutely abhor running, but it's the one thing that can actually take your mind off things.

don't forget about that box with all of the pictures that you love the most. it's in the bottom of the rubbermaid container labeled 'chapter three.' oh and somewhere there's a box with all of the things that meant the most to you in college - everything in there was given to you by someone who made a difference in your life. there is also a folder with your favorite quotes and passages from books that you love and things that you had hanging in your room that meant something special to you - find it if you feel like you've lost yourself. go through it and hopefully you'll start coming back.

i hope you have enough money for rent, enough food for your belly, enough happiness for laughter, enough love for someone else, enough time for yourself, enough tenacity to never give up, and enough gas to get to the beach. but if not, i hope you have enough gumption to figure out how to get them.

regardless of where you live or what your job is though, i'm proud of you and i love you. now go do something with yourself. and stop biting your fingernails. it's really gross. oh and i hope you're still keeping that diary - the one with spots on it and the piece of fabric that wraps around it. if you aren't you should start again, it helped you figure things out when you needed it most.

always,
you

ps - call mama and tell her that you love her and are thankful for her. make sure to check on kristen too - tell her how gorgeous she is and that you miss her. you never have been good at saying those things to them.

*i encourage all 11 of you blog followers to write a letter to you as well - remind yourself of the things you love about yourself and the things you're working on. happy new year :]