this week has been rough. sleep has somehow managed to evade me, reading has gone undone for far too long, and sickness is upon me. oh - and i decided that what i thought i wanted to do for the rest of my life isn't really what will make me happy.
i'm all about plans - and lists. they give my crazy life a sense of order and meaning. i've had this mindset since freshman year of high school that i was destined to be a high school english teacher. i wanted to make a difference in the lives of my students like my teachers in high school made a difference in mine. so i apply to college, then to the education program, and i start education classes and student teaching. then, a couple of days ago, i realize that i hate it. i hate my classes, i hate the high-school classroom experience, i hate the direction my life is going.
obviously i panic. i've had this plan for so long, and i was so thoroughly convinced that it was what i was meant to do. then, all of the sudden i realize that what i thought was so perfect for me is making me miserable. so i call my best friend - and she says the most amazing thing: 'you've been making your own plans for so long, and i know that uncertainty stresses you out, but you've gotta realize that even if you feel completely lost and have absolutely no idea where your life is going all of the sudden, God already has it figured out.' she always knows exactly what to say :)
don't get me wrong, i'm still freaking out about this. i mean - the things i love are completely outlandish when it comes to a career. i love southern living magazine, and azaleas, and baking, and books, and coffee shops, and bed-and-breakfasts, and taking pictures, and sweet tea, and driving stick, and smiling, and wearing sundresses, and being barefoot, and writing, and little kids, and country music. these don't exactly equate to a successful career. but at least i have the comfort of knowing that someone knows where my life is heading. even if it isn't me.
