"girl you're amazing just the way you are" ~just the way you are (bruno mars)

occasionally i have these brief instances of clarity and contentment. they usually come and go without anyone really noticing. they don't seem that important. whether it be riding with the windows down through the surry countryside after taking the ferry home or sitting outside in the sunshine reading/writing/listening to music, i can honestly say they don't happen very often; these moments in which i am completely and utterly at peace with myself, the world around me, and where i fit into it. moments in which i am not worried about academics, work, friends, family, but instead blissfully fulfilled. in these fleeting seconds of pure happiness i am more than satisfied with myself and where i am spiritually, intellectually, academically, socially, physically. these moments have always been short-lived. i go to sleep smiling and wake up too late to make it to church and remember that i have a portfolio due, 500 pages of reading, a group-project and two exams that week that i haven't started studying for because i've been working all weekend [welcome to life at the w&m].

but this last one was different. somehow the fleeting instance has turned into a timeless realization:

i'm not doin half bad.

no - everything is not perfect or enchantingly simple and flawless. but when will it ever be? i'm learning from my mistakes. i'm making new ones. i'm living. no - i'm not getting all a's or going out on dates with amazing guys or being bold or checking things off of my list-of-things-to-do-before-i-die or figuring out what i want to be when i grow up. no - i'm not getting everything right. but what kind of life would it be if i were? that's not what it's about. it's about embracing the world and yourself and all their perfect imperfections with a smiling face, open arms and a willing heart.

i can't be afraid to get things wrong. i can't be afraid to make mistakes. because in the end, the mistakes and how you deal with/overcome them are what makes you 'you.'

i can't really take full credit for this realization - i get by with a little help from my friends :] thanks christopher and deb lovelovelove