'i wanna walk away too, but i want you to say you - are sorry' ~say you're sorry (sara bareilles)

these past few days have been positively glorious: no papers to write or tests to study for, customers to take care of or bars to clean, meetings to go to or committees to serve on. my days have been consumed by mindless pleasures that include, but are not limited to: baking, reading, laughing, eating, dancing around awkwardly [which - if you know me - you understand how well i can awkwardly dance], catching up with friends, photographing, fraternizing, and relaxing. aside from this year's holiday season being remembered as 'the year mama let me make the cheesecake' [no one but mama has EVER been allowed to make it, but somehow this year i was allowed to partake in the hallowed tradition of the making of the christmas cheesecake. and let me just say: it wasn't as good as mama's, but it was pretty darn good] it's been one of reflection and contemplation. i mean, there's currently over a foot of snow on the ground - and it's still comin down strong. sledding and making snow cream DO get old after awhile believe it or not, so naturally there's plenty of time to think. this post is packed full of epiphanies - so snuggle up, grab some sweet tea and sit for awhile :]

as i was watching my little sister tear up the side of a mountain skiing, i got to thinking about parents. we were waiting for our dad to get there and it dawned on me that i doubt my parents a lot more than i used to. it really stinks when your parents don't turn out to be the superheroes that you once thought they were. you'd think that at the age of 21 i would've come to terms with the fact that parents aren't infallible or invincible. nonetheless, a little part of me dies every time this universal truth is rediscovered: like when you realize that daddy can't actually rewind tv - it was a tape. or that mama hasn't developed some immunity to cutting onions - her eyes don't water because she's wearing contacts. i should've learned that daddy will ALWAYS be late and sometimes won't show up at all and that he will undoubtedly forget to call for weeks at a time. and while i still don't think i'll ever be able to peel potatoes as fast as mama, i now understand that it isn't because she is endowed with special 'potato peeling abilities' - it's because she's a mama. parents are human - we shouldn't expect them to never make a mistake or do things that frustrate us. to expect that would be to expect the impossible - and we'd be setting awful lofty expectations for ourselves whenever we grow up and have kids of our own.

guys also fall nicely into the category of 'harsh reality checks' when it comes to expectations. disclaimer: i am NOT an expert on guys or relationships - if i get something completely wrong or you have a different opinion feel free to share. boys have kinda been on my mind a lot lately - this time of year does that to you. it's perfect weather for curling up with someone special and watching a movie or cooking spaghetti and drinking a glass of cheap wine. this is what i've concluded about the less-fair sex whilst holed up in my thermals, fuzzy socks and pigtails:

1. you can't MAKE a boy like you - they're either attracted to you or they aren't. just because all of your friends see you for the adorable, smart, funny, witty, beautiful-inside-and-out individual you are doesn't mean that every boy on the planet will too. regardless of how much you hang out, how much you make him laugh and how much good food you feed him - if you've been put into the 'friend' category it's unlikely that you'll ever get out of it. accept it. get over it. embrace it. their loss. and hey - every girl could benefit from a few close friends who are boys. and vice verso: regardless of how 'perfect' all of your friends tell you boy 'x' is for you - if you aren't attracted to him, you aren't attracted to him.

2. somewhat along the same thread: just because you feel something more doesn't mean that the guy wants anything more. don't assume that interest means interest in anything beyond the body. so when you find yourself involved with a guy who isn't looking for anything too serious, but you think you want something more, it's better to just walk away rather than making a complete fool out of yourself. so when you realize that this is the case - seriously, just move on. don't expect closure or for him to apologize, because in all likelihood it's not gonna happen. by walking away and making a conscious effort to forget about him you'll save yourself a lot of heartache, sleepless nights, and friends who are ready to slap some sense into you for having to watch you turn yourself into an emotional train-wreck over some no-good-two-timing-dirty-rotten-lyin-cheatin-son-of-a-b*tch who doesn't even have the decency of swamp gas. maybe it's easier said than done, but it CAN be done. i promise.

3. followup: if a girl gives a guy the impression that all she wants is a casual, meaningless hookup, that's all he'll ever want. why would he commit more than necessary? if you know that you can't hookup without getting attached - don't hookup. it's really not that complicated - and while this may lead to countless nights snuggling with a stuffed animal instead of a cutie, it's better than the alternative: spending entirely too much time and energy on people who don't deserve it.

obviously there are some exceptions... but as we've all learned from experience: never expect to be the exception. it's a harsh reality, but a reality nonetheless.

i know that this post was somewhat random [and slightly cynical at times], but everything falls under the over-arching category of 'truths that kinda suck.' and like most reality checks: they might come as a rude awakening, but are completely necessary. and just in case guys actually read this and you've managed to get this far in the post without throwing your computer: you're not all worthless, scum-bag, emotionless idiots - it's just that the vast majority of your gender are, and it's sometimes very difficult to find those of you who aren't. don't hate me - it's just an observation.

enough of this - i can hear my family yelling and jumping around in the living room... so i'm gonna go join in. pictionary and just dance 2 here i come!!

ps - i got the BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENTS EVER: pyrex glassware, a pie dish, power tools, a crock pot, and mason jar stemware. yes - you read correctly - mason jar stemware. ilovemylife.